Sunday, September 26, 2010

Happy Birthday

Today is a wonderful person's Birthday.
This person is an amazing, beautiful, funny, and just down right Awesome!
I am very very happy to have her in my life!


Im wishing you the best day ever!

Love ya,
Lindsay xoxoxo

Monday, September 20, 2010

Time Flies

Lately, i've been thinking about my Grandma and just how much i really miss her. Just the other day i was telling my Mom how I am sad that my younger cousins didn't get to know her like i did. I spend every weekend at my Grandparents house, me and my cousin Thomas would go to church with them every Sunday. Grandma was the teacher for the little kids 2-5 year olds and you could always tell how much she loved it! On Saturday night she would put her hair up in the soft foamy pink rollers and get everything ready for the morning. She was always awake first and she would tell us to go wake up Grandpa. We would sneak in the room get on the bed and wake him up with Kisses on the cheek. Help us get ready and make us breakfast while Grandpa got ready. She always wore a flowered dress and stockings. I remember she would keep them in the remote holder that layed over the arm of her chair and she would sit down in her chair take them out and she put them on so expertly. She would scrunch them up to the toe, stick her foot in and bring them up perfectly. That is something i will never forget about her.

During the summers while I was on vacation from school i would ride my bike to their house which was a block away and spend the days there. Grandma and I would do lots of things together...We played Chinese Checkers she would sit in her chair and i would get the wooden chopping block from the kitchen and put it between us and we would play for hours. I also loved doing jigsaw puzzles with her. It didn't matter if we had done the same one over and over I just loved being with her. We would sit at the dining room table all day doing a puzzle, talking or not and just loving being in the company of one another. Grandpa would walk past a few times pick up a piece find where it went and then go sit down which i always found so amusing.

These are the kind of things i so wish that my little cousins could have known. Instead they saw the Grandma who was sick, who didn't know peoples names, who would wander around the house not sure of anything. Seeing her like that broke my heart so much. When she started to really get sick she would carry around a bright orange comb with her. To me it was like it was a secrety for her, like a little kid has a secrety blanket. She would walk around mumbling not even really making sense in what she was saying but like she needed to say something but couldn't. During the time between her getting sick i didn't get to see her much. My Dad was taking all of this very badly and would stay away.... Which in turn kept me away from her. I hate that i had to miss so much of being with her, but, understand that it was so hard for my Dad. He would say "That isn't my Mom" or "Thats not the Mom i knew"

This November it will be 3 years since she has passed away. November 24, 2007 a night i will never forget a night the world lost one of the most wonderful people in the world.

You are always in my Heart and always in my Thoughts. I love you.
xoxo Lindsay

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Struggling and Struggling

Its times like these when i feel like nothing is ever going to change, things will never get better and I'm going to be trapped in the state I'm in forever! But then in the back of my mind there is that little voice telling me things will be alright, I will make it through and to just take things a step at a time and its a constant struggle between good and bad. You would think i was in one of those cartoons when the person has a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other shoulder bickering back and forth.
I've been struggling again for awhile now... Things are just not going the way I have ever planned them to go. I had been fine for months, about 9 months to be exact of no anxiety, happiness and just well, being me! Its crazy how one thing can happen or even things you have stored away for so long come flooding back and screw everything up again. I was taking big leaps forward and now I've taken giant leaps back to where i started and don't want to be.
Now, I know some of you might think well why don't you just 'Suck it up' or 'Fight through the feelings' but until you have actually felt what i feel and know what i go through on a day to day basis I think you would change your mind pretty quick to just 'Suck it up.'
I find myself saying and thinking a lot..."Why can't i just be Normal!" but really What is 'Normal' is there really such a thing?
I am going to be working on getting back to being Me again! The Me I want to be! The Me i know i can be! It might take awhile but I am going to try my hardest to do it.

I Believe In Myself! I Believe In Myself! I Believe In Myself!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Reflect Your Life!

Brother and Sister team of Caroline and Drew Yacu created Reflect to help empower others all over the world usingthe strength of affirmations and to spread belief, support, and encouragement. Please come and help support them byvisiting their website.

Affirmations, Words of Affirmation, Empower Yourself, Inspiration

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Boring Day

Today was a pretty boring day...I woke up at 10am to my phone buzzing beside me and was pretty annoyed! My Mom was calling me because she forgot to grab a needle for her shot that she now has to take for her blood sugar. The only way for me to get her the needle was to walk! Do you know how cold it is out there?! Do you?! Our high for today was 36 degrees can you say EWW?! Lucky no snow yet but i do believe its coming...and very soon!
So i bundled up, put on Jeans, Tshirt, a Hoodie, my New cute hat and my Boots just cause they are cute and i wanted to wear them haha! plus put on my coat! Picture me as the little brother in 'A Christmas Story'. Not really but i was ready to head out.
Its only about a 5-10 minute walk from my house and when i got to the store and up to the counter where my Mom was her boss looked at me and said "Did you just walk here?" lol DUH!!
So, i stayed down and talked with Mom for awhile and i had some breakfast (mmmm blueberry muffin!) and thawed out before i was going to have to make the walk back home...Uphill might i add! But lucky me!! One of my Mom's co-workers took me home!
Now, i've been home, finished filling out my Christmas cards (only needs stamps), put in a load of laundry. Pretty good day if you ask me!

I hope you all had a wonderful day too! Hopefully tomorrow is a little more productive...might start cleaning out my room AHHHHHHH!

Love and Tackle Hugs,

Monday, December 07, 2009


Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.-Maria Robinson

I think this quote really says a lot about me and how i have been feeling. I have again been struggling with my anxiety and for a long time I wish i could just start over with a new beginning and everything just be okay, but i know that is not possibly so i have to take it one day at a time and know that i can make it through and come out just fine!
A major thing i have become aware of is that I need to take care of me and not put others problems and worries before my own. This is a hard hard thing for me to do because for the longest time that's all i have done and i think that is a reason why my anxiety has gotten so out of hand. I hide my own feelings away to help others when all that is doing is hurting me more.
I have recently been going to see a counselor which has been helping me tremendously in figuring all this out. I have only went for 3 sessions so far and the last time i was there she was so shocked at how well i have progressed! She told me "I noticed you seemed happier just when i came out and got you from the waiting room"
I told her that I just know what i need to do and i've decided i can't put it off any longer that i just really want to be happy again! Its been so long since i have been truly happy but i think i am on my way to recovery and finding that happy place again.
I know its not going to happen over night and its going to take some time but I think im now in the right mind set and ready for the work its going to take to make it happen.

I would never get through this if it wasn't for my family and friends and i just want to take a minute and thank you all for everything you have done! Even if it is just to listen or a shoulder to cry on i really really appreciate everything! You are all in my heart always and i am very blessed to have you.

Love and Tackle hugs to all

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Much Better Day

Today was a much better day.

-Slept in til about 11 i was so drained!
-Ate Chips for Breakfast (lol)
-Went with Sarah to the festival this afternoon...its the last day and she wanted to play a few games...I won her a stuffed penguin and i won a goldfish but ended up giving it to a little kid on the way out :)
-Came home and me and mom went shopping for a few things for me for my trip...i got a shirt and a skirt wOOt
-Dad made dinner..Grilled a Roast and Corn on the Cob, also had baked beans and Parmesan Noodles...YUM

Now i am stuffed and laying in bed

I hope everyone else had a good day too :)